8 Christmas
by pepperish
Summary: During the seven years they attended Hogwarts, James and Lily developed the habit of exchanging letters. And James wasn't willing to break their tradition just because they married.


**8 Christmas**

**From**: Pepperish ( .com)

**To**: thisismyoverhtemoonface ( .com)

I'm writing this to Haley, who asked for a fic pre-Harry, preferably while Jily were still at Hogwarts. I hope you like your gift and that you have a lovely Christmas!  
Ps. English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if my grammar is poor. I hope it's not too bad.

**December 25, 1971**

_ Dear Lily,_

_My mum is making me write this letter to you. She says I won't get a Christmas gift if I don't behave like a good a boy and say I'm sorry for the pranks I've pulled. I told her I'm already a good boy, but she's still making me do this. And as I do want my Christmas gift, here it is: I'm sorry for making fun of your being a ginger, for saying you look like a dalmatian (although you have to admit you kinda do, with all those freckles and such) and, above all, I'm sorry I locked you in a cupboard with Marlene and told the whole school you were kissing in there. But it's Christmas and I hope you can forgive me. I hope we can be friends._

_Merry Christmas, Lily._

_ James Potter._

Potter.

Fancy that.

From all people at Hogwarts - that including the weird-looking caretaker, Filch - James Potter was the person she liked the least. He was a nightmare in every single way, always making fun of her and pissing her off with stupid jokes he and his mates loved to do. She didn't understand it either, but, for some reason, she was always a very particular (let alone frequent) target to their pranks. So it was all too weird that the first mail she got from the magic world during the holidays - the first mail she got from the magic world ever, one might notice - wasn't from Marley or Emme, but from him. A less than pleasant surprise, for sure.

To make her situation all the better, Lily had to read the letter hidden in her room. Petunia would go insane if she saw a letter being delivered by an owl, written in parchment and all, once she was annoyed by anything magic (or anything involving Lily, for that matter), and Severus would probably explode if he knew James Potter had written her a letter. So she hid in her room in order to read it without freaking anyone out. It made her feel weird, to hide in her room to read something Potter had sent her. For a second, after she finished reading, she asked herself if the boy had written Sev an apologizing letter as well, but she abandoned the thought a moment later, highly doubting it.

They had never got along, the three of them. Or the four of them, as no one can separate James Potter from his siamese twin, Sirius Black.

It started on their very first day, at the Hogwarts express and hasn't gotten any better ever since.

Lily and Severus were sitting alone on the train, since they didn't know anyone, unlike many pureblood kids who were already acquaintanced by their families connections. Their heads were tucked together and they were whispering excitedly.

That was sure over when the door of their compartment was shut open loudly and those two boys came in like they owned the place. They obviously already knew one another and as soon as they got together at the station they were bonded for life. Sev being always the jealous and shy kid, didn't like their presence or their interference, he was very content with only Lily for company. It wasn't much of a surprise when he and the boys started bickering shortly after. Sirius mostly laughed, but when James started making fun of Severus greasy hair, Lily had to stand up for him. She always stood up when James would pick on other people, but being Sev her best friend, it just made her disgust him immediatly.

She said at least he didn't look like there was a birds nest in his head.

James looked at her like he was only really noticing her presence now and he smirked.

"Birds nest is better than greasy." He crossed his arms. "And definitely better than having my head look like it's on fire. Don't you feel it burn?"

After that episode, there was no hope for them continued to bicker like there was no tomorrow every time they saw each other outside of class. And only not in class because Lily was too busy trying to be the best student Hogwarts ever saw and was able to overlook his provocations.

It was a lot worse with Severus.

She hated James Potter for it.

He was always so arrogant, he thought himself to be so much better than everybody else and went around feeling free to do as he pleased, without any regard for the others. To her, James was a spoiled brat and a bullying toerag and she couldn't stand him.

An apologizing letter near Christmas might have done something for him, if it was a better one. If it was a sincere one, but apparently James Potter wasn't capable of doing anything nice and sincere at the same time. The letter was due to obligation and he just proved to be as unbearable as always.

Lily grabbed a piece of parchment at her desk and wrote the reply furiously.

_ Potter,_

_As long as you're out of my way, it's fine._

_I hope you drown in your shower before school starts. There's no way we're going to be friends._

_Merry Christmas._

_ Lily Evans_

**December 25, 1972**

_Potter,_

_You did it last year and it didn't work. The only way I'll accept your sorry excuse of apology is if you leave me alone! Apparently, that's too much to ask of you. Don't you ever get tired of being such a spoiled brat? Really, it must be exhausting to think only of yourself all the time! I'm rather impressed. Not in a good way, though._

_Please stop writing me, once and forever._

_Merry Christmas._

_ Lily Evans_

_Ps. It's Evans for you, Potter._

James laughed out loud reading her reply to his letter.

Partially because he could almost hear her voice pronouncing all those words - so typical of her -, but mostly because this year he really didn't expect her to reply.

He could barely come up with a convincing excuse for writing her in the first place. The ones he gave himself were so lame they couldn't even convince Wally, the house elf that worshipped him. They were just _that_ bad.

All he knew is that Christmas was coming and he wanted to write her and wish her Merry Christmas. Except that would have been extraordinarily weird, even for him, so he used last years pretense. Last Christmas his mother made him apologize for being such a little devil at school (Mrs Potter knew her son a little too well) and he chose Lily because from all people he had made fun of, she was the only one he actually cared a little. They weren't mates of any kind, but he had fun bickering with her and rising up her temper.

And there was the little crush thing, Sirius was always teasing him about. James had this weird fascination by Lily, probably because she was the only one who stood up and was smart enough to find witty comebacks to his sarcasm. And she was rather pretty, with the fiery red hair falling upon her shoulders. So, yeah, he wanted to write her and he wanted her to write him back, but he had no reason to believe she would.

Especially when his letter was really lame.

He grabs an empty parchment from the pile and starts to write her back, determined to make less of a fool of himself.

_ Dear Red _

_(I'm not going to call you Evans, ginger, but we can find alternative nicknames if you like)_

_I'm so glad to have your reply so quickly! I can only imagine how happy you were to hear from me this Christmas again. Don't worry, I miss you too. As for your question, no, I don't ever get tired of thinking of myself. I'm just this awesome person, you know, and there's always something new and interesting to think about me!_

_For an example, this weekend I've been to a Puddlemere United match (I'm a huge fan, as I'm sure you already know) and after the game my dad introduced me to Dan Hawking, their chaser, and I told him I want to be a chaser someday. He told me that if I'm any good, when the time comes he'll help me be a chaser just as good as he is! And as I'm, actually, pretty good at Quiddich (I'll be trying for gryffindor team next year), I can't wait to be a professional player. See? There's plenty amazing stuff for me to never run out of thinking material about myself, one could never get bored. You can try it any time you want._

_How's your holidays going? Hope you're having a great time._

_Once again, Merry Christmas._

_ James Potter._

_P.s. You can call me James all you want._

**December 25, 1973**

_ Dear Flower,_

_Here I am once again at Christmas to apologize, but you already know that by now, don't you? I'm quite certain you've noticed a pattern._

_I'd like to start this letter saying I really enjoyed working with you at Herbology these last months. It was nice to see a flower in a garden, where it belongs (ok, that was cheap. Even for my standards). It was also nice to have you talk to me without trying to scream your lungs out at my face, even when it was only a few short orders. I wish we could do that more often and, to be honest, I wouldn't be heartbroken if Sprout paired us again to our next assignments. You're definitely more useful than Sirius, that is. And I am sorry about that __ev__day__ incident when that insane plant tried to make you deaf (who would know that little, innocent plants could be so __loud__?). Actually, you were deaf for a couple of days, weren't you? I'm really sorry and that was a very, very stupid prank to pull. But please believe me, I DIDN'T KNOW, it was all my mates. I mean, it was all Sirius, Remus would never do that and Peter would be too scared of me murdering him cruelly in the dark night. Even though, I'm sorry. Hope your ear is fine now. Everything is fine by now, isn't it?_

_Although this was bad and probably not the best thing to bring up when I'm saying I hope we get partnered more often, but you can always cling to that day when that stupid carnivore plant broke my arm. I bet you found that funny. (For the records, I __didn't__ scream like a little girl, I guess you were still a little deaf back then if you think so) What I did do is punch her - heroically and very manly - in the face (Do plants have faces?) and then proceed to cry. Also very manly. Tell me you at least had fun, that day gotta be worth something. _

_How are you enjoying the holidays? I'm sending a small thing I got you for Christmas, hope you like it._

_Merry Christmas, Lily._

_ Yours,_

_ James Potter._

_Ps. Christmas reminds me of you. Everything is red and green, just like you. I'll see you in school, Red._

On the third year, when the letter arrived, Lily realized it wasn't going to stop. It probably wasn't even about his mother anymore - for James was thirteen now and his mother must have lost all hope somewhere before twelve and a half. Apparently, James Potter would just continue to bug her every single Christmas for no apparent reason other than his wish to make fun of her - one would think that their days in Hogwarts were enough, but the boy can't stop!

Lily was willing to admit his writing was a little spirited, but it made her so angry that Potter thought he had the right to annoy her even at home that this minor detail was easily ignored. She already had Petunia at home to drive her nuts.

Still, she found herself laughing at the end of the letter. Yes, the day the plant broke his arm was funny and yes he had screamed like a little girl when it caught his arm. And the screaming plant was just plain dreadful. But, apart from that, she had expected him to be a much worse partner than he turned out to be. It still wasn't anything near pleasant as for her to wish it to happen again, she would be much happier partnered with her own mates, but the girl had imagined it to be a lot worse when she first found out. I mean, everyone was alive, that was already something! I mean, the chances Lily Evans and James Potter could someday properly get along were slim to none, they surviving two months of each other weekly two-hours company was a hell of a progress.

There were some days she almost thought the unimaginable (could he be anything more than just a complete cocky prat?), but he was quick to prove her wrong every time.

"Good morning" That day in particular, Lily remembered, was freezing cold. It was almost december and she wanted to be anywhere far, far away from the green houses. But even though the weather was terrible and they had a terribly boring assignment for that day at Herbology, James seemed just as excited and hyper as every other day. That was something about Potter. Even though sometimes it sounded a lot like petulance, he was always so bright. Lily was starting to see it was something natural with him.

"Good morning, Potter." She wasn't a morning person and not half as cheerful as he was.

"How's your ear going?"

"I really don't wanna talk about that with you." There was an awkward silence and James shifted his weight at his feet uncomfortably. There was no talking for a few minutes and the boy was almost believing she would leave it at that, but then she couldn't help herself but start lecturing "What were you thinking? That was the stupidest prank you've ever pulled and there's a lot of competition. Do you realize -"

He didn't let her finish.

"No, not this again. Please, Lily, I'm telling the truth! It wasn't me, ok?" For once, James looked serious. It was a weird look to be seen on him, but he was. His eyes were firmly attached to hers, eying her sternly behind the spectacles, and his expression was hard. He seemed determined to make her believe him. "Look, I'm really sorry about what happend, but you've got to believe me. I'd never do anything like that to you."

She actually was beginning to be convinced. He seemed so... Open and honest. And that was something Lily had never saw. It seemed like a part of James she never knew.

But then, on the other side of the room, all the ravenclaw plants exploded in bright colorful red and gold fireworks, and she was no longer thinking anything good about him. The explosions were not only noisy, but they also burned a little of hair, eyelashes and eyebrows on their way up. Her expression, much like Professor Sprout's was one of pure fury.

"Ok, that was me, but you got to admit this day was too dull to be endured without a little entertainment!" She just screamed at him until her throat hurt.

So life went on without major changes. They were a little bit more civil to each other, but they continued to argue and fight and bicker at any given chance. Because James was still James and Lily was still Lily and that's how they functioned together.

She knew she was going to write him back. There wasn't even room for consideration. Somehow, the Christmas letters had become a part of their interaction and even though it annoyed her that James was always so full of himself and always had that twisted sense of entitlement, she wasn't letting go either. _Someone_ needed to deflate his ego a bit.

_Potter,_

_Do you honestly wishes to repeat those dreadful days at the green houses? Merlin, you must be even more of a madman than I have taken you for. Always a surprise with you, huh? Although I have to admit that to see you screaming just like a little girl was rather funny. One of the recollections of Hogwarts I'll keep fondly on my adulthood, I suppose. It really was priceless. Who could guess you could reach such high notes? Have you ever considered a singing career? You might give it a try. All your obsession with Quiddich can't be healthy, some new interests might do you a lot of good. My ear is fine, by the way, that's how I know you've reached such impressive notes. No need to worry about that._

_Still apologizing and still not leaving me alone. Fancy that. Seems like old habits do die hard._

_My holidays are just fine, thank you. I heard from Remus all your mates are staying at your house for Christmas, please send my sentiment to your family. _

_How did you knew I wanted that book? Thank you anyway, I guess._

_Merry Christmas._

_ Definitely not yours,_

_ Lily Evans._

_Ps. Stop with the 'flower', 'red', 'ginger' bullshit. I told you, it's Evans and Evans only._

_Ps.2 You used the Christmas joke last year. Come up with new material at least._

**December 25, 1974**

_Dea_

_James_

_ Potter,_

_I hope you know that that kiss in the platform a few days ago changes __nothing__ between us. It was a moment of temporary insanity in which I was caught off-guard by your so-called Christmas spirit and things went terribly wrong._

_Please forget it ever happened._

_I'm sorry. Merry Christmas._

_ Lily Evans._

Lily was all wrapped up in her big coat and scarf as she and the rest of Hogwarts population waited for the train that would take them home to the winter holidays. The Hogsmead platform was full and loud, with people chatting and saying goodbye to their friends, but she and Marlene had found a relatively empty corner at the very end of the station, they wanted to say their goodbyes without sharing it with a crowd.

"You're so lucky! How come it's never you who has a dreadful time at home with your mean sister while I'm on vacation to somewhere cool? Better yet, why do you have such a nice sister as Suzanne and I have Petunia? This is so unfair." Lily was smiling, despite her complaints and Marlene only rolled her eyes and laughed.

"That's just life, you know, this cruel heartless bitch. Word on the street she's never fair." Marlene noticed the boy coming closer to them and smirked mischievously. "Seems like we have company. Hi there!"

"Oh" Lily turned to face James. "Hey you. Can I help you with something, Potter?"

"Hm, you'll have to excuse me Lily, but I just remembered Dorcas promised me she would lend me this book for the holidays that I really want to read and I must go find her before the train leaves. Meet you in the compartment, ok?" Before any of them could say anything, the tall brunette was off. James chuckled a little awkwardly.

"Looks like it's just you and me, then."

"Yeah, looks like it." He couldn't help but think she was the most gorgeous creature in the world. Her fair and usually pale complexion was pink in the cheeks and the tip of her nose from the cold, her eyes sparkled brightly and she was smiling a little uncertain. James was taking all of her in. He noticed she was biting slightly her bottom lip, he noticed how her hair fell from the messy braid over her shoulder and he noticed her breath was uneasy, such as his.

And James definitely noticed there was something a little more to this moment. There was something between them, unspoken, but definitely noticeable. He took a step closer. Lily shifted her weight on her feet but didn't move away.

"So, what do you want?"

"To wish you a Merry Christmas."

"Not by a letter this time, hm?" She chuckled lightly as he flushed a bit.

"No, not by a letter. My mum thinks I'm getting too old to have to write them. I think she's losing all faith in me." He ran his fingers through his hair wondering if he has lost his mind, wondering if he was imagining more to the moment than it actually was. But he had not much to lose and he was always one for trying as much as he could. "This year I thought we might do something a bit different."

And then he closed the gap between them and covered her icy lips with his. It was only a light stroke at first, his hands moving to her waist to hold her in place as their mouths brushed. And he honestly expected her to jerk away, slap him hard and shout him to his grave, but she didn't. Her body remained somewhat rigid in its place, like she didn't know how to move it anymore, but she didn't breake the contact. There were few people on that far end of the platform, it was like there was only the two of them. James couldn't even believe it. He could feel her breath quickly against his skin and he asked himself silently if her heart was beating as fast as his was now. She didn't make him stop. So, he kissed Lily harder, claiming her lips as his own, tasting and exploring everything before she finally broke their touch.

"What are you - what was - how did you- oh my God."

His hands flew automatically to his messy strands of hair again and Lily fought to catch her breath.

"That was it. Merry Christmas, Lily."

And so before she could catch her breath or manage to regain her control over her mind and body, James turned on his heels and walked away, leaving her behind feeling the weirdest things possible. Lily felt like she has had been suddenly trapped into someone else's body.

The alarm rang, calling the students to the Hogwarts express, and Lily realized she had been on her own for the better part of fifteen minutes now. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the confusing and overwhelming thoughts and ran to catch the train.

Since that day, James couldn't think of anything else. Lily and that kiss were taking control of him and even Sirius - who at first needed to have the story repeated three times in order to believe it - was tired of hearing about it. James recognized that, but he couldn't find a way to stop.

He finally felt that maybe, just maybe, they weren't as helpless as he had previously taken them to be. She didn't run. Why didn't she run? What was she thinking? He had so many questions. But when he received her letter - a blurry, messy one, very unlikely of Lily - he couldn't ask her. James grabbed the parchment and wrote his reply.

_ Lily_

_It already changed everything._

_This is probably my favorite Christmas ever. I hope it's yours, too. (I'm sorry about the short letter, but my brain stopped functioning after that kiss)_

_Will you go out with me?_

_Yours, truly_

_James_

**December 25, 1975**

_ Lily,_

_Please don't throw this letter out before reading it. It's really important! _

_I'M SORRY._

_What happened that day before we came home... That was definitely not what I had in mind and I'm really, really, deeply and completely sorry. I'm sorry about behaving like a brat, I'm sorry about taunting __Sniv__ Snape and, most off all, I'm sorry that you ended up hurt for something I started. I should never... I'm sorry. I hope you know you're worth so much more, that I would never call you that and that no one should, ever. You're ten times better than he is, Lily, as a witch and as a person. And, despite everything, I'm sorry you lost a friend. I'm a very stupid bloke and you were right about me all along._

_I know you hate me now more than ever, but I really mean it._

_I wish you the merriest of Christmas._

_All yours (and profoundly sorry),_

_ James _

_Ps. I've got these peppermint tarts for you, I intended to hand them earlier. Don't waste the sweets because you hate me, they're just fine._

Lily had been staring blankly at the letter since she finished reading it. Taking all the words in. For the first time since James wrote his first letter to her, she could say he was actually sorry. She realized it, then, she would have rather not have him writing a real sorry letter never. It was all still too painful, too hard and even thinking about it for a second made her eyes prickle with tears.

In the first days it was easy to blame James. He had started all that, after all.

She was sitting by the lake with Emme and Marlene, taking pleasure in one of their last days at Hogwarts before going home. This year wasn't snowing so, even though the air was ice-cold, there was quite a few students hanging around the grounds.

Marlene and Emme were just chatting and laughing at each other, Marlene insisted she wanted to wet her feet on the lake even though it was winter and the lake was almost completely frozen and, for as much as Emmeline tried to dissuade her, there was no stopping her once she made up her mind about something. After she just as much as touched the water with her toes she screamed loud and hugged her feet with her cloak, swearing like a sailor, Emme could only bite her laughter back, sighing forcefully with a heavy 'didn't I told you so?' escaping her lips immediatly.

Lily watched her mates, they were happy and excited about Christmas. She wasn't feeling just as good. Marley and Emme thought it was because she had to go home and Petunia was always so awful to her - specially now she got herself a boyfriend just as bad as herself, if not worse, but there was more to it that Lily wasn't willing to share. She had had many arguments with Severus those last months and they were growing quite quickly into tremendous fights. The girl could so easily see he was going in the wrong direction, how could he not notice?

He was hanging around the likes of Malfoy, Avery and Mulciber, the very worst that Hogwarts had to offer. These kids, all pureblood slytherin kids, came from families with too many prejudices. Prejudices against people like her and - even though Severus chose to ignore it - against people like him too. Lily could see he was being used and manipulated and she was so scared he would do something, go somewhere, cross some line beyond the point of returning. They had a huge fuss last night, she could barely remember how it started, but they ended up shouting hurtful things and slamming doors.

She felt like he was slipping through her fingers and it made her feel a little desperate. He didn't even allow to be seen with her often around the castle. They met in the library or somewhere else to talk or study, but at the great hall or at the class they had together, he stayed away with his snotty little 'mates'. She sighed, returning her thoughts to the present. There was a book lying in her lap but she wasn't really reading it.

"Hi, Red."

Lily knew that voice. From all those years at Hogwarts she learned to recognize that voice anywhere at any time. Potter had the worst timing of all people she knew - He was one of the main reasons Severus would start fights with her. The other boy was always so bloody _jealous_. He insisted he could see the way she was looking at Potter now, like she was like the other girls, ready to jump at his feet at any given chance. Lily really didn't want anything to do with Potter now. She had enough problems already.

"Hullo, Potter. Do you want something?"

James was a little taken aback by her hostility. They were being a little more civil to each other on regular conditions lately. It wasn't what he had expected after the kiss they shared at the platform the year before and he was very disappointed - some part of him was even truly hurt - that she didn't even consider going out with him. She dismissed the event completely and when they returned to the castle, ignored him like there was no tomorrow. But James Potter wasn't keen on givin' up. He managed to get them in amiable terms, at least. He was only waiting for her to give him any chance, any chance to come forward.

That's why her harsh tone was a very unpleasant surprise to him.

"Err, me? Well, no big deal, just thought we could talk a little. Do you want me to leave?" He looked so much as a disappointed puppy that Lily couldn't let him leave like that. She didn't know what it was, but something _did_ change between them. She couldn't say if it was since the kiss or if it started earlier, but she would have to be a lot thicker than she was to be able to ignore it.

She didn't know what had changed, though. They were more... Friendly, perhaps? They didn't stop bickering, of course, and James was still such an immature boy sometimes, pulling the same pranks he did as thirteen that she couldn't allow herself of thinking of it deeply. Still, it was enough to make her stop him.

"No, I'm sorry. It's just... Going home for Christmas isn't all it's cracked up to be, in my case."

"Family troubles?"

"Sort of." She didn't want to discuss Petunia, but it seemed an easier way out than any other. "Are you excited for Christmas?"

"Yes, Sirius has moved in with me and my family for good and it's going to be a bit of a celebration for that." He smiled softly. It wasn't his usual smirk, it was one Lily had been seeing him wear more often lately. She quite liked it.

"That's good."

"You're really not into talking to me, are you?"

"I'm sorry, James, I'm just not in the mood right now."

But as she speaked, Severus was just passing behind them with hard steps. He was watching Lily - he was always watching Lily - and he saw when that insufferable prat of Potter approached her. For a moment there, Severus actually thought Lily was going to shoo him away, but she let him stay. She was even talking all softly to him. He couldn't bear to watch that nauseous scene. And just as he walked past them he heard that. _James_. Lily called Potter _James_. And she still had the nerve of denying it!

" Like I said, just another one of his little _whores_." The bitter words were out before Severus could have tried to stop them. He didn't actually _mean_ to say that out loud, but it was too much to him. He wanted her to feel as hurt and embarrassed as he was feeling. He wanted her to tell Potter to sod off.

Goddamn it, he wanted to be the one out there talking to her.

He almost ran away. Almost. He was coming closer to the castle when he met Sirius. Somehow, judging by the furious glare he was sending his way, he should have known. Sirius and Potter seemed to be the same person, what happened to one, was immediately acknowledged by the other. Severus tried to turn on his heels, but Potter was coming from the other direction. Looking at his face made Severus's hatred burn in his chest again. He made the move to reach for his wand in his pocket, but before he could grab it he was already being pulled up by the magic force of a hex.

"Are you running away, Snivellus?" Potter's voice was hard as steel. Running behind him came Lily. Lily. For a moment there she was all Severus could focus on. "Do you dare to repeat what you just said? Do you?" James whispered in a murderous tone. Severus said nothing and then heard Potter say loudly. "Who wants to see me take Snivellus pants of?"

People were starting to gather around them. They liked to watch Severus being humiliated. He felt the anger burning inside him, he sweared loudly and threatened Potter as much as he could.

"Stop it!" He could hear Lily's voice screaming. But Potter wasn't going to stop now.

James glared at Snape and, with a whip of his wand, made his trousers fall to his ankles and heard the students around them laughing. Only then he allowed himself to calm down. When he heard that bloody twat call Lily a whore, he saw nothing but red. He reached for the mirror while running after him and called Sirius. Snape was going to pay for what he said.

"Potter, are you out of your mind? Let him down! _NOW_!" Lily was furious. She was furious at Severus, yes, but it didn't give Potter any right to bully and humiliate him in front of the whole school. Therefore, she was furious at James too. There was even a part of her that was furious with him for even standing there in the first place, causing all this mess. "Listen to me! Your arrogant prat! Put. Him. _Down_. James, put him down!"

James looked at her in the eye, and Lily thought he was going to oblige. But then...

Then it happened.

And it was worse than she could have imagined before. Lily felt like someone was ripping her inside out.

She knew it was a trainwreck coming in her direction. She knew it was bound to happen. But somewhere deep inside her, she never actually _believed_ it was going to take place someday.

Lily heard it from his lips.

"Shut up! I don't need the help of a filthy mudblood such as yourself!" She froze in shock. A part of her recognized James shouting beside her, but it was like she wasn't really there.

"What did you call her? I'm going to fuckin' murder you, your filthy bastard." But as he raised his wand, Lily caught his hand.

"Stop it. Stop it now. Let him go."

"But Lily-!"

"_It's none of your business!_" Her voice was cracking. James really didn't know what to do. "It is mine and I'm telling you it's over now. Let him go!"

It seemed to big for him to do anything but what she asked. He let Snape out of his hex, but didn't stop himself to punch him as hard as he could manage to. The blood in the boy's mouth didn't seem anywhere near price enough to pay, but he left him there and followed Lily back to the castle.

"Lily! Lily, wait!"

"Leave me alone, Potter. Just leave me alone!"

James could hear the tears in her voice and that was what stopped him. He wanted more than anything to go after her, hold her in his arms until she was no longer feeling hurt or sad. But he couldn't. She didn't want him to.

Lily ran to the safety of her four-poster bed and, after casting a silencing spell around it, she screamed and cried so loud, she felt like she could break the windows. Part of her wanted so bad to blame James for all that happened. She wanted to have someone to blame, she wanted to excuse Severus from what he has said, she needed to transfer the horrible thing to someone else. So she avoided seeing him, talking to him or even thinking about him too much.

But she couldn't, after all, blame James.

She needed to face the fact that Severus was someone else now, not her best friend. He was someone who would call her a whore and a mudblood. The Severus she knew was dead.

_ Potter_

_It was bound to happen, sooner or later. You just made things faster. And as much as I bloody hate you for that, it's not your fault what he said. I'm sorry it happened too._

_Now, can you please, __please__ leave it alone? For good? I'd really appreciate that._

_ Lily Evans_

**December 25, 1976**

_ Lily,_

_You know what? I'm not apologizing this time. Seriously, I'm not. You've got some serious stuff to sort out and, you like it or not, we need to talk. I kissed you again, yes, but I'm not sorry. And, if I'm recalling correctly, you weren't exactly protesting - more like gladly obliging, so don't try to act like I wronged you in some kind of twisted way. I didn't. I was very clear - Actually, I was always clear. You know where I stand with you, I did everything I could this year to make things different._

After that day by the lake last year, I tried to change, Lily. I did. I didn't want to be the bloke to hurt you, I wanted to be someone you could like, someone you could picture yourself with. And I did my best. Sometimes, it seems that it's working and we're finally getting somewhere - like that last afternoon on the grounds when I kissed you and you kissed me back -, but sometimes you just act like nothing's changed. You shut me out. Every time I come closer, you make sure to shut me out. Running away from me and hiding isn't going to make it disappear. I'm not going anywhere.

_I need to know what's going on. You can't keep me in the dark any longer, Lily. Please, talk to me. Stop overthinking everything, it's really not that complicated._

_I miss you, stop being so silly. Merry Christmas._

_ Yours, as always_

_ James_

The letter was sent a good fifteen minutes ago and James could still feel his heart thumping loudly in his chest. He was very nervous and there was an odd uneasiness about him, he was pacing back and forth in his room, running his hands nervously through his hair every five seconds and overanalyzing every word he had written to Lily. After fifteen minutes he was absolutely convinced his letter was shit and he had just screwed up things royally. But deep inside him, he knew he had said what needed to be said. Things couldn't be the way they were forever, they would need to talk eventually.

Maybe Christmas wasn't the best time of all to send such words, but since he had come home James couldn't take Lily out of his mind. He had been playing the last months in his head over and over until it almost drove him mad. And then he wrote her. He put on paper everything he was feeling, she needed to know how he felt about it and he was desperate for a sneak peek of her mind.

Things have been so much better between them. He had tried - as he told her - to be someone different after that day by the lake. He tried to be better. James saw that day how deeply wounded Lily was and he wished never to see it again. And when she wrote him last Christmas and she didn't blame him, even though he blamed himself partially, James knew that there was hope. Maybe if he could outgrow himself Lily would be able to truly see him and how much he cared about her.

At first she was still avoiding him, but slowly she allowed them to be friends. They began to hang around each other and - it was a big surprise to everybody - when they weren't bickering like mad, they had a lot in common. They shared a very particular, sarcastic sense of humour, they always woke up in the early hours and they were very temperamental. Most importantly, they had fun together. Lily found out James could make her laugh like no one else. She got to know a completely different side of him, to know his political views, the books he liked - she wasn't even aware he could read more than quiddich manuals before! -, how he was easily fascinated by muggle inventions and how his family was like.

And James was finally close enough to discover the little things about her. Her bad habits, like chewing on her lip until it bled or never sleeping as much as she should. He learned she liked her coffee without sugar or cream, that her favorite breakfast food was waffles, that she used to be in love with Christmas when she was little and waited for it the whole year. She would beg to help her mother with the Christmas decoration and her father would always make a haunting for her and her sister to find the presents, with charades and everything. It stopped working out once she came to Hogwarts and Petunia started to hate her, so the tradition eventually died.

The thing is that, for James, this little things they had in common and the new-found harmony between them was only a confirmation of what he felt. He was already there, therefore all these little steps felt huge to him.

The problem is that Lily wasn't quite in the same place. At least, not just yet.

They were just walking aimlessly through the castle one day, talking about random things and laughing together and to him it felt just right to kiss her right then and there. And Lily kissed him back. She obviously felt something there too. So why was she hidding? Why didn't she want to face there was obviously more between them than plain friendship?

Her reply delivered an unsatisfying answer to some of his questions. And it was a pretty hard hit to get.

_ James,_

_You might not be sorry, but __I am__. I just... I don't know. I don't even know how to explain this to you, it's all so confusing in my head. We went back to Hogwarts and you were different, yes, you were suddenly this -, oh merlin, this nicer version of yourself? And I like this new you, or whatever it is, but is it real? Should I believe you've changed so much in so little time? And, even more, does this new you erase everything the old you did?_

_I just don't know, I feel so lost. _

_I don't wanna keep you in the dark, I never meant to. But I can't do this. I can't, it's too much. It's all very new and it's going too fast for me. My feelings didn't change so quickly as you apparently did. I already have a hard time making up my mind about us being mates - this is already so weird and unforseen! -, I'm not ready to anything more than that. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted, but did you truly expected something different from me? I don't __want__ you to be sorry because I know better than that. To be honest, I don't know what I want._

_But it's not this. At least not now. I really am sorry. Merry Christmas, James._

_ Lily_

_Ps. Thanks for the snow globe, though. It's lovely. I'm sorry._

**December 25, 1977**

_ James,_

_You've been haunting me, did you know that? My family is starting to think that I've gone completely insane and it's all your fault. It's just that everything reminds me of you somehow and suddenly I'm laughing at stupid things that aren't at all funny just because they made me remember of some lousy joke you made. How can you cause me so much trouble when you're not even around? I don't even want to imagine how worse it's going to turn out when you arrive. You're still coming for new years eve, right? Petunia's engagement party is only three days after that and Merlin knows I can't face that alone. I'll need someone to make me laugh of the silliest things and you just happen to be the man for the job._

_But enough with me. How are your winter holidays going? Sirius wrote me just yesterday to brag about being at your place with you when I'm abandoned in Surrey. Can you tell him to stop being such a clingy girlfriend? He's being quite ridiculous. (Even more because you're coming here in less than a week, and then I'll be the one laughing)_

_Oh no, people are calling me downstairs again. How can my own family not notice that I'm standing in Petunia's presence just as little as I can? Seriously, I thought they were brighter than that. She's more insufferable than ever now that the engagement party/actual wedding is coming closer. I think that if she tries to rub that stupid diamond ring any closer to my face it will actually end up stuck in my nostril. I guarantee no one wants to see __that__._

_Well, I'm sorry I spent half the letter complaining about my sister. I'm just moodier than usual, I guess, and she's definitely not helping. She's all nerves because Vermin's family is coming for Christmas dinner and they're going to have to put up with her freak sister. I swear to you she's trying to drive me insane. I don't think it has ever been worse._

_On the brighter side, I can't wait until you see Vermin, you'll totally understand me then. In any case, I hope your Christmas is better than mine. (Who am I kidding? You're an only child and the only thing you have to consider a brother is Sirius who, for reasons that are far beyond me, you seem to be quite fond of. Your Christmas are so much better than mine. Damn you, James Potter) And I also hope that this week will pass by quickly. With all these overwhelming Christmas/new year/engagement/wedding preparations, I miss someone to talk to, you know, about normal things, not party-related._

_Merry Christmas._

_ Lily_

_Ps. Look at what I have here (figuratively), a Christmas gift and it's for you! Now go on and write me a letter apologizing for the bad things you've done this year so I can actually send it to you - as your mother said, you ought to be a good boy, otherwise there's no gift for you._

For all that Lily cared, this could be her first Christmas letter to James.

They have exchanging letters every Christmas for seven years now (wow, was it really _that_ long?), but it was like this one was the first. Maybe because this _was_ the first she was writing with good feelings behind it. She wasn't annoyed, hurt or confused this time. No, definitely not. This time Lily was happy. She was writing James because she missed him and because she was so excited he was coming over to help her deal with Petunia's engagement.

It was all very unexpected for her. If someone told her before, she would have never believed she and James Potter fitted so well. But they did. He understood her jokes and had always something smart to say back, he could deal with her mood swings and manage them in a blink of an eye, never overreacting to her fiery explosions. He could make her laugh so much and all the time and was even teaching her how to laugh at herself. James made her life easier, he being so carefree and relaxed himself while Lily was always stuck in her head, overanalyzing everything to the bone.

She did it with him. He was something new and unexpected, so she panicked. Her mind couldn't get pass the fact that she disliked him so much for so long. She was glued to old resentments and letting them get in the way. Better yet, she was clinging to them, so afraid of change that she felt easier to be angry for everything he ever done than face the fact that she was actually beginning to feel something for him.

And James wasn't lying when he said he wasn't going anywhere. They screamed and fought and yelled at each other many times over the same arguments - she was being so stubborn -, but he never leave. Giving up never really suited him. And James was there for her, every time she needed him. He had grown up so much.

So one day, in the Heads office, they were scheduling patrols, buried in loads of paperwork and if it were anyone else Lily would be bored to death. But James was somehow making that stupid assignment so much fun that Lily found herself red from laughing so much. He was in the chair next to her, his glasses sitting atop of his nose a bit crookedly. James had undone his tie and the first buttons of his school shirt was open, his sleeves rolled up until his forearms and he just looked so handsome. So _appealing_.

Lily found wildly attractive that he was tapping his feet and his pen at the same time, in a constant rhythm. That was what did it for her. She had to admit then that she felt something for him, it wasn't only comradarie, he wasn't like 'all her other mates'.

So she leaned forward and kissing before even realizing what she had just done - and feeling mortified immediately after. She murmured a long list of lost words that didn't fit together in a coherent sentence, but James grinned so widely and looked so madly happy (although very, _very _surprised at the same time) and then her insecurities stopped bothering her, 'cause his smile was one of a kind and whenever it showed she just had to stare at him.

Lily didn't want to do anything too quickly, she firmly believed there was a right time for things to happen. That is why they were trying to move slowly, although - as James liked to point out for her - the only thing separating them from a 'actual couple' was her fear of labeling them as boyfriend and girlfriend.

They had breakfast together, they studied together, he did wizard crosswords while she read by the fire late at night after dinner, they kissed and laughed and danced even when there was no music on and they made each other fantastically happy. The only thing stopping Lily was that she wanted it to be perfect. James was always so sure of everything, she didn't want to let him down in any way.

But he was coming for her house for the new year and maybe, just maybe, that was just the right time.

Lily was considering all the promising possibilities when the familiar owl appeared at her window with the letter she had been expecting tied to her leg.

She couldn't help herself but allow her smile to spread largely across her face.

_ Lily,_

_I have been haunting you? Red, trust me, you know nothing about being haunted. I've been like this for about four years now - and the greater part of these years you didn't even like me! Can you really picture what it's like? I think not. But it's always very good to know you're constantly thinking about me. We both knew I was bound to get under your skin sometime. You've already fallen for me, just almost as much as I did for you, can we make this official already? (Ok, you can take your time if you like, but you're only prorogating the inevitable)_

_Come on, love, you can't let your sister get to you. Do you want me to come by your house with a bigger ring? White gold band, huge diamond, princess cut done by dwarfs - no one does it like the dwarfs -, shines brighter than the sun and it's been on my family for six generations now, then you can shove it up Petunia's nostrils and balance will be restored? I can do that. Just say the words and I'll be there. _

_You should have stayed at Hogwarts with me. By now we would be by the fire, drinking hot chocolate under the same blanket and you wouldn't have to bother with your sister and I wouldn't have to bother with the fact that my mother likes Sirius better than me. Not dad, though, I'm still __his__ favorite._

_Now, what's that about a Christmas gift? Did Lily Evans actually get me something? And your only condition is a few apologies? I didn't see that coming, I'll give you that. So where should I begin? I think I must begin saying I'm sorry I didn't write earlier, if I knew you've been missing me this much I'd have owled you as soon as I got home. And I'm sorry I'm not there to squeeze your hand when your sister gets out of control. I'm sorry I can't punch Vermin in the face to make you happy - because you would be happy but would also murder me. If Petunia didn't murder me first. And, specially, I'm sorry Sirius is acting like a needy girlfriend. I promise I'll put a stop to it right now._

_Try not to lose your mind completely until I come by, will ya? It's not going to take long, I think you can handle it. Just keep counting the days._

_Merry Christmas._

_ Love,_

_ James_

_Ps. I think you can handle it, but since you're so inconsolable, what do you think of me passing by your house tonight past midnight? That way you can give me my present yourself and you wouldn't miss me so badly until I come over next week. I'm brilliant, admit it. See you later, Red._

**December 25, 1978**

_ Dear wife,_

_(aka newly wed Mrs. Potter)_

_I bet you didn't expect me to write you a Christmas letter now that we are actually married! But, look!, here it is. You see, I'm in fact a terrific husband, aren't I? First of all, in the name of tradition, I feel that I must say my apologies and only then proceed to the other objectives of this letter. So this is it: I'm sorry for not waking you up with a kiss today like I do whenever I wake up first - even though it's for the greater good - and I'm sorry I can't be there to watch that gorgeous smile to spread across your face as you read the letter. I'm sorry I came home late and injured from the last mission, last week, and I'm sorry I've kept you waiting and worried. I promise I'll kill all those bloody death eaters faster next time and be at home in time for dinner with you. _

_Now, for the best part: Hidden in every special place of the house there is a small Christmas gift and a lead to the next. Follow them and gather the little gifts I got you. I shall warn you it won't be easy, as it is a challenge and you must prove yourself worthy. At the end of the amazing journey I had prepared for you, it's the best gift you'll receive today: Me. And maybe also that gold cauldron that boils all potions faster and more precisely that you've been daydreaming nonstop about since september. Come on, hurry up, you should not waste time!_

_The first lead is (it's the easier, since you ought to begin somewhere):  
Colorful and magic it must seem to the eyes of the children_

_Such beauty irradiating it's charm everywhere_

_There you shall first find the gift that's hidden_

_Before the eyes of those who do not have the answer_

_It's guarded by the loveliest of the stars_

_Among many similars, you must find your reward_

_Have fun in your quest._

_ With all the love that's in my heart, yours_

_ James_

_Ps. Hope you like the bouquet. It's roses and lilies and they're not remotely as beautiful as you are. Come find me._


End file.
